[ Give this guy a wide berth...... ]
Some more examples of why Ian Lambert is a Jonah and should be avoided at all costs –
Most Celebrity Deaths
The chances are, when a famous rock star moves on to ‘the great gig in the sky’, it will be for one of three reasons –
1 – Ian attended one of their recent concerts
2 – Ian sold them one of his ‘Mystery Parcels’ (complete with vintage prints)
3 – They recently viewed one of Ian’s live streams.
Such are the terrifying jinxing capabilities of the accursed Mr Lambert.
The Moon Landings
Sure, we all know that the 1969 moon landings were, in fact, created in a film studio. But, until now, no-one knew why……
This came about because, at six years old, Ian Lambert had a burning desire to visit Hollywood. The film makers there were so concerned about this that they decided to take action. After all, if he did visit they knew they’d be saddled with bad luck for the rest of their days as a consequence! Therefore they quickly mackled together a staged landing so the little scallywag would just watch it all on TV instead and stay the hell away.
The Sad Tale of King Canute
At his baptism Cnut received the name of Lambert. BIG mistake!
Following a period of illness, Canute died on November 12, 1035, at Shaftesbury while on an inspection tour of England; chances are he was considering the prospect of setting up his own coin store online which The Royal Mint would flat out refuse to trade with.
And we all know how that one is likely to pan out :/
Another of Ian’s ancestors was directly involved in the construction of Stonehenge….. or what was supposed to have been ‘Stonehall Retail Centre’ – the largest shopping centre in the world at that time. And it was because of the Lambert influence that everyone else decided to pull out of the project.
This is why ‘Stonehenge’ as we know it today is only one storey high.
After a spate of ‘nasty accidents with large, bone-crushing rocks’, the majority of workers opted to bugger off after completing the first level. Shame that. It could have been something so much greater :(
The Bruce Lee Connection
Whilst filming ‘Enter the Dragon’ in 1973, martial arts legend Bruce Lee died on-set. Since this time there has been much discussion about the ‘Lee Family Curse’, especially after his son Brandon also tragically died during the making of The Crow.
However, the truth is that Bruce had unwisely put in an order for Alphabet 10p’s with TGBCH between takes. Therefore it is actually the ‘Lambert Family Curse’ which is to blame.
The Death of JFK
Yup, John F Kennedy was assassinated in 1963 – the same year that saw the birth of Ian Lambert…..
Do I really need to explain the rest?
Whilst mingling with the happy crowds, JFK had seen and gooed over Baby Lambert in his pram shortly before joining his motorcade. Therefore JFK’s demise was nothing to do with Lee Harvey Oswald, the CIA or anyone else…. other than our very own Ian. Baby Lambert may only have been a few weeks old, but his powers of jinxfulness were already a fearsome thing.
Stay tuned folks for more shocking truths about the world you thought you understood. And remember, until the next time, DO NOT click on this link and help Ian Lambert with his
You would only be making things worse!
© Article and images (except where stated) copyright Mik Smith 2019